I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
