Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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