Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
