I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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