fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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