She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
