I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
