I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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