Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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