it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize