Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize