we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
