It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine