im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
