I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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