my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
