Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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