You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
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he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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