all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
