u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
