What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
