i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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