Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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