He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
