Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
