is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
im on a boat
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