i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
