great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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