I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she woke up with a sticky ear
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
