just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
