Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
