my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
