Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
