I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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