Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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