well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
