my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
