I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
