if only i could text you this smell
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
