I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
These tits shall not be calmed
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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