Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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