So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
