woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
