If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
