You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize