It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
