If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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