dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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