I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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