If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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