Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
