Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
