I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
