I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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