We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
