I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
