I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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