my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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