before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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