this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
