He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize