She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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