You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
