just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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