Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
