I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
